Real Talk: Consent
Between social media, dating apps and IRL interactions it’s wild, wild dating world out there. While we’ll be the first to hop on Bumble, we know the digital components to meeting people have further complicated dating, because let’s be real: liquor and Snapchat are a dangerous combination. But even as FaceTime and Instagram Stories (or whatever the kids are into these days) take over, there’s something that has not, nor will ever change about budding or matured, casual or serious, committed or non-committed relationships: Consent.
A snapchat, a low-cut top, excessive heart emoji’s via text, a tight skirt, or rumors about her previous flings do not mean she wants to sleep with you. Laughing at your bad jokes, touching your arm at the bar, accepting a drink, holding your eye-contact or even placing her hand on your thigh does not mean she wants to sleep with you. Making the first move does not mean she wants to sleep with you.
In fact, the list of what does not constitute her consent includes every single imaginable (or unimaginable), possible (or impossible) person, place, thing, scenario, action, or act of God except for one. And that is a verbal yes.
Revolutionary, right? Wrong. It has, and always will remain, a simple yes that opens the gates to what we believe is the empowering, fun, positive act of sex. Anything else is not empowering, fun or positive. In fact, it’s not even sex.
Sex is not assumed, owed, paid for (in drinks or cash), deserved (for buying dinner or doing the dishes), earned, guaranteed or understood. You are not entitled to getting laid. If this is news to you, someone has done you a profound disservice. You have unknowingly hurt your previous partners and missed out on the powerful experience of consensual sex.
Girls, this applies to you, too. Sex is not assumed, owed, paid for, deserved, earned, guaranteed or understood. You are not obligated to sleep with him because he paid for dinner or watched The Bachelorette with you. You don’t even have to kiss him goodnight because he opened your car door. Your value doesn’t come from whether or not a guy or girl wants to sleep with you. Your sexuality – and any expression of it, large or small – is your own.
But – as with anything else you have ownership of – you are responsible for it. We’ll put it this way: just communicate.
At Bumble, we are trying to change the way people communicate. But we get it, social change takes time. In this case of sexual relationships, we think about 10 seconds: the time needed to ask for consent, and the time required to give (or not give) it.
The Bumble Hive
Inspired by our incredible friend Alexis Jones, and her kick ass video.